A scar is a scar, we believe. So what? Not all “first time” experiences leave a scar, physical or otherwise. Yet when those first time events do leave their imprint, we find ourselves bewildered with ripples of pain that can manifest in our minds, bodies, and spirits, for months, even years or decades later.

Example:

At about the age of eight it occurred to me my father’s ongoing struggles with alcohol was the reason our small family lived in near continual fear of what bad would happen next. The actions of the man I wanted to adore did not match my sense of what it meant to have a good father or positive male role model. As I grew into a teen and young woman I couldn’t understand why I was reluctant to trust boys or men. With time, spiritual maturity, and a loving spouse and mentors, the stings of the wounds eventually disappeared, albeit the scars remain as silent witness to those childhood experiences.

A list of “first times” that leave physical or emotional scars is unique to each of us as human beings, however, the core issue of wound and scar is something we all share. A first romance shattered by infidelity. The first betrayal by someone we thought to be a friend. Our first experience of an insensitive medical professional. Or maybe the time we birthed an idea or  concept only to have our creativity hijacked by a calculating colleague.

If scars are, to a great extent, unavoidable, why, then, is it so important for us to become aware of the triggers that remind us of what created them in first place?

F.E.A.R.—what we often fear most is that if we were hurt the first time, we’ll be hurt again, so why bother? And who could blame us?

Unfortunately, when fear is allowed to reign and rule in our life, we shut ourselves off from people and experiences God may want to work through to bring love, joy, and peace to our lives.

When we begin to believe the quiet mantras of self-protection we whisper to ourselves—“Don’t try that again, you’ll only be hurt again . . . don’t trust, don’t commit, don’t step outside you’re comfort zone . . . don’t attempt meaningful relationship, you will most surely be taken advantage of, misunderstood, rejected”—we risk believing our life is more about being a victim than a victor.

There have been moments in my life when I wanted to find a cave, crawl in, take my blankie with me, and forget the rest of humanity. The pain, the scars, were more than I could, or wanted to deal with. So, what changed?

Weary of the fear, I threw myself at the feet of God and begged to be healed, to have the courage, perseverance—the trust in the Divine—to believe that restoration of my mind, body, and spirit was something God desired as well. This didn’t mean I was a passive bystander, quite the contrary. What it meant was I acknowledged the wound, looked the scar in the eye, and let God do what only God can do—transform pain into peace.

I often wonder if we are doing a very good job as parents and mentors to help the hurting believe and trust that their wounds can be healed, and that the scars that remain can become a faint, painless reminder of what once occurred. On the other hand, maybe once we choose to surrender and trust God with our transformation, we can lead by example.

Can I ask God to help me identify any wounds that are painful?

Is fear of being hurt keeping me from being all that God has created me to be?

Do I believe that while scars may remain, I have been healed?