At a recent session with a directee who struggles to be at peace with their present unsettled life, I made the observation a major life change can be akin to how a duck might feel if God plucked it from one pond and set it in a new one. And yet, for as whimsical as the vision of ducks on the move may be, life does feel that way at times.

Old pond . . . familiar shoreline of home, neighborhood, community. Comfortable relationships, intimate friendships, nourishing social life. Ripples of waves that make for variations in the day but no major storms or rip currents.

New pond . . . unfamiliar shoreline. What home? What neighborhood? What community? Uncomfortable relationships, absence of friendships, nonexistent social life. Every wave seems to make for a stormy, uncertain today, and an even darker, uncertain tomorrow.

Whether we muddle or waddle our way through these major life changes—marriage, different job, health issues and so forth—sometimes the hardest thing to do is take the initiative, summon our courage, and step out and take action. I’ve discovered a couple of ways to make the process less stressful and more peaceful:

  • Accept the situation for what it is, warts and all. When we resist or try to ignore reality, we only prolong the discomfort. Acceptance is not the same as resignation. To accept is to acknowledge, which frees our thoughts and feelings to focus on things one step at a time.
  • Identify the people and relationships not defined by physical space or proximity. Old pond friend? Years long friendship? Don’t be shy—pick up the phone or reach out through your favorite social media. Not the same as face-to-face but time both of you will appreciate.
  • Extroverts may excel at flapping their wings, but we introverts have to take a deep breath, stir up the water a bit, then paddle around to find out what’s in our new world. Like burgers? Try the well-reviewed pub a couple blocks away. Long for a spiritual home? Slip in to a service at a church that appeals to your senses. Wish for someone to walk with? Locate the nearest park or trail and say hello to a regular.

Being thrust into a new situation [or more if we live long enough] is usually never our first choice. We are creatures of comfort and the familiar is comfortable, even when it’s not. On the other hand, we can remind ourselves that old pond was also once the new one.

Is this moment one of the old, or one of the new?

How do I feel about being plucked out of the comfortable and dropped into the unknown?

Can I ask God for the grace and wisdom to accept what is, in order to see what could be?